We begin...

Yeah, I'm using an obscure Rent reference to being my Spring Awakening saga...just go with it. It's fine. Don't worry.

Yes folks! Spring Awakening has begun its first foray into existence. Today and yesterday we endured Common Auditions; the painfully long process wherein all of the directors of all the straight (non-musical) plays sit in a row and just have everyone audition for all of them instead of all at separate times. 6:30-11 two nights in a row.

Night one: Fun! Ordered Thai takeout, giggled a little over silly auditions (not in a making-fun kind of way, in a laughing WITH the person kind of way. Really.). Not enough boys. One really good male that everyone is going to fight over. Naturally, he specifically wishes to only be cast in one show. Offers of sexual favors? Potentially...

Night two: Sillier. We laughed waaay more easily due to being comfortable with each other and due to..well...exhaustion and less seriousness over what we were doing. Also watched a bit of the State of the Union. Attempted to start slow claps from over the internet. Were moderately successful. Still not enough guys.

End of tonight: Stare at audition forms and decide who to call back for what parts. Argue over finally created call-back list with other directors. Attempt to configure time slots that all coexist so that actors don't have to be in 50 places at once.

Post call back sheets.

Pray it doesn't snow.

Next step for Spring Awakening? We have callbacks scheduled for 5-11 tomorrow. I will have my work cut out for me in eliminating females. There were SO many talented girls who auditioned, so I can be really picky about which ones I want. I'm trying to give preference to people with less Brandeis theatre experience because...well...they're the ones I want to work with. So I'm sticking with freshman and mid-years mostly. Oh, and people who seemed really specifically enthusiastic about Spring Awakening as opposed to the other shows being cast. This piece will rely on the passion my actors can give it. If I ask someone who isn't passionate about the show to do the awkward and demanding things required by some of the parts, then they will be less willing to comply.

Talking about the script, I have been rereading it often of late, and just re-realizing how absolutely in love with it I am. Wedekind wrote a piece that was revolutionary for its time, and it is still exceptionally strong so many years later. I can't wait to be the next one to marvel in its brilliance, and hopefully to do it justice.

Stay tuned! More updates to come (if my callbacks don't get snowed out...).

Ian Axel, Field Mouse, Allison Weiss

So I went to a concert the other night at Cafe 939.

Cafe 939 is run by Berklee, which is a music college. The Cafe's claim to fame is that it is the ONLY all-ages music club in Boston. Which is fairly impressive. They stay all ages not by censoring their musical acts, but simply by not serving alcohol. They literally have all kinds of acts. Check out their website if you feel like it. It's a neat place.

The reason I went to Cafe 939 was, of course, for the lovely and talented Allison Weiss. She's fantastic. Look her up if you haven't already. I talk about her a lot. Because she's amazing. But that's not why I'm writing.

The two acts that opened for Allison were a guy named Ian Axel and a band called Field Mouse (that, interestingly enough, Allison plays bass for. One of the guys who worked at the club said he's never seen an artist open for themselves...haha). So I didn't have any feeling toward Field Mouse. No negative or positive. They were just loud. I couldn't hear what the singer was singing about because the rest was too loud. Eh. But the other opener, Ian Axel, was great. He doesn't have a record done (yet). He just sat down at the piano and played with his whole body and his whole heart. It was really amazing. And he had a great voice and his lyrics were straight from the soul.

That's what I love about these unsigned artists like Weiss and Axel. They don't have to write songs for anybody, so they just write what they feel. And you know what? It's better than all the manufactured shit out there now. It's real. Ian could (and did) tell us the story behind the inspiration for every song he sang us. So did Allison. It was incredible. And what courage it takes to get up there and reveal that depth. It takes more guts to get up on stage as an unsigned musician than it does to be an actor. Because actors are trying to be someone else. Musicians, or at least these musicians, are just singing from their hearts.

So my goal for the semester is to explore the Boston music scene. Ian Axel was an unexpected delight. I have no doubt that there is more brilliance out there waiting to be found.

"It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got..."

So I'm back at Brandeis after a long break.

Yesterday felt like running the gauntlet. Returning to my chosen solitude on the same day as the anniversary of my father's death just felt cruel. There was no relief in the return. Just the familiar silence settling around me as I shut the door to my room.

I'm writing only to keep myself from finishing the novel I started yesterday. A novel I have burned through because I've been in here alone most of the day. The number of pages remaining has dwindled alarmingly quickly. Sometimes I hate being a fast reader.

My classes are mostly in order for tomorrow. The morning will begin at 10:40 with a yoga class in which I am not formally enrolled. So the day will begin with a contest of wills. Me against the teacher. Who will win? Who knows. Following yoga I will head to a Spanish class, and then Human Rights in a Global Perspective. I should be really excited about the last one, but I'm not excited about anything now. If not for dinner with Emily and Jenn, I could easily have gone all day without speaking a word to anyone.

I titled this post optimistically. Clearly I don't have what I want right now. I just need to find it in myself to want what I've got. What I've got is an incredible opportunity to further my learning, something that has always been important to me. I just have to keep repeating that to myself. Soon, classes will pick up and Spring Awakening will begin and I won't have time to think this way. I hope.

What awaits in the future, though, does not make this moment any less lonely. I'm trying to tune my focus to things that at the very least make my mind move in interesting ways, even if they can't make me happy. I should write down blocking notes for the show I am about to direct. I should read the provided syllabi for upcoming classes. I should...but I don't want to. I just want to be at home.

Friends

So Emily and I had dinner tonight with our friend other friend Jenn. Emily mentioned how she likes to read my Facebook profile because I always have amusing statuses (stati?) and people always comment all over them. She said she used to think that people were just fake-Facebook nice to me and that they couldn't actually love me that much in REAL life.

But then she visited WV and saw that my friends so, in fact, really love me that much. People freaking leap on me when I enter a room. Literally. I have the bruises.

I'm just sharing this because it really made me smile. Sometimes I forget how much my friends love me. I never forget how much I miss them, I just have to occasionally be reminded that the love flows both ways. Thanks Em, for reminding me. Even though you've met them all of once :)

Update

I was pretty good about blogging every day there for a bit. Sometimes more than once a day. Because sometimes being alone leads to great introspective thoughts that weaves itself into insightful prose and relieves the inner tension besides. But then you find all seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on youtube and POOF! introspection gone in favor of trashy internet television.

So, an update on my life. I am like 90% certain that I want to double major in Anthropology and Creative Writing. Yay life choices. Don't ask me what I want to, you know, DO with those majors. I don't have to know that yet. I like to write. And I like to study people. That can be enough for the moment.

I dressed as a watermelon for Halloween. A sexy watermelon. That's right. A sexy watermelon. See, I realized AFTER Halloween that I liked the costume because it took the idea of a sexy Halloween costume and mocked it. I mean, there is nothing at all sexy about a watermelon. But someone at the Garment District (costume store in Boston) had the idea to manufacture a skanky little watermelon dress that happened to look great on me. So...I wasn't being a run of the mill slut. I was a slut making an ironic statement about slutty costumes. That's right. Think about THAT.

What else? I went to a meeting for one of the theatre groups on campus. One of the girls who hangs lights with me (Elana) is on the board for Freeplay, and she encouraged me to come. Freeplay specializes in artistically interpreted plays used to make a social statement. Fun, ya? And they need directors. And also writers. Both of which are services I can offer. I think I'm going to try to direct Wedekind's original Spring Awakening(not the Sheik musical, the old one) next semester. I already found someone who potentially wants to stage manage for me. So...potential fun to be had.

It's autumn in Boston. Obviously, it's beautiful. The trees are on fire, and there are crunchy leaves to step on everywhere I go. At night, the campus lights illuminate the yellow leaves from beneath, creating an incredible contrast to the deep blue of the sky. It's so beautiful. It's the time of year that makes me think of pumpkins, and apples, and long walks in the dark with my friends as we try to take advantage of the last moments of warmth in the air.

Hope you all are enjoying your autumn!

Arts Writing

So, I went to an improv comedy show tonight at Brandeis. For anyone not aware, improv(isation) is a form of theatre in which there is no script, nothing prepared at all. The actors just have to think on their feet and go with the flow. It can either be really cool or tank really tragically.

The show I attended mostly fell into the tragic tanking category. Their timing was off, the cast kept laughing at their own jokes, and their humor was really just sort of cheap.

The reason I'm writing clearly is not to praise this troupe. Actually they really don't have much to do with the story. The crux of this is that at the show, I was sitting next to a reporter from the Justice (Brandeis student produced newspaper) who was taking mad notes the whole time. I happened to peek at the notes (hey, I'm considering Journalism. It's not creeping. It's studying.) and was shocked at how harshly this reporter was eviscerating the show.

My first thoughts were in defense of this troupe, they worked hard for this! They're up there performing a show! Then I thought, wait a minute, I don't think they're any good either. Why do I have a problem with this reporter's notes?

Then it hit me. The reason why I will never be an arts reporter. Are you ready for this?

I'm an artist. I'm an actor. I know exactly what it feels like to be up there sweating under the lights, speaking words that seem to come from somewhere deep inside you that you didn't even know existed before. I know exactly how much time, effort, energy, and heart goes into giving a production everything you have, and I know exactly how it feels to be told that it's not enough. Your best wasn't good enough. And you sit there and you put your head in your hands and you beat yourself up and think "What did we do wrong?" until you're dizzy. Then you go home, cry for a night, then go back out and do it all again.

Yes, everyone gets bad reviews. No, not all productions are amazing nor do they all deserve audiences.

But I will not be the one responsible for crushing the dreams of a creative team. I couldn't do it. Art and creativity are too important to discourage anyone from trying their hand at it.

That is all.

On Rejection

That's right kids. Lights Down, my baby (my beloved play that I wrote and got to direct and decided to send to a publisher...) was rejected by Playscripts' Inc. It's a sad thing. I'm very disappointed. I worked hard on Lights Down, and Playscripts' rejected it with a form e-mail. Not even a personal note telling me what was wrong with it. Just a generic, "we don't want it" sort of letter. Thanks for crushing my dreams Playscripts' Inc. Thanks lots.

BUT upon further reflection, I have come to this realization.

The Beatles were rejected once.
J.K. Rowling was rejected NINE TIMES.
Stephen King reportedly has enough rejection letters to paper a room.

Quite frankly, Lights Down has never been in better company.

So I asked the magnificent G (who originally recommended Playscripts') if he knew of any other publishing companies who look at stuff from young new playwrights and he suggested Brooklyn Publishers. I submitted Lights Down last night.

And just a note to Playscripts' Inc, WHEN I MAKE MY MILLIONS AS A WRITER, YOU WILL BE THE FIRST ONES INVITED TO BITE ME.

That is all.

Have a nice day.